Savoring the Memories
With my man getting back so soon, I have spent ALL of my time thinking about him. I read through all of our old e-mails. While going through some, I found two different entries that I had to share with those of you who know me, but have never heard this. This is just my heart on paper.
(September 15, 2004)
Why I love him:
Wow, that is so hard to pin down entirely...He is an amazing guy, who loves God...he is one of the few guys I have meet who is strong enough not to take my crap...He knows when I am trying to talk my way around him, or corner him and he calls me on it. He is easy to talk to, and for some reason even though we have been talking for 3-5 hrs a day (sometimes up to 10) for the last 4 months we have not run out of things to talk about. We have a lot of the same passions...I am very outdoorsy, and love to do crazy adventurous things (like white water kayak, hike, snowboarding, rock climb)...I wanted someone who could keep up with me and push me to be more active. Even though he is almost 2 years younger than me...I have no problem letting him make all the decisions (this is a very hard thing for me since I am a very independent woman)...and despite my tendency not to trust men (due to a very painful past)...he has totally won me over...I have no problem opening up to him and making myself vulnerable. I knew that he was not the type of person to show weakness...which was something that made me hesitate about him...but he has totally opened up about that and has begun to rely on me more. He has lost some of his toughness, and it has been replaced by this insane passion...this capacity to care about the good things in life and to want to hold on to every second of them. I know that he has never had a girl treat him right...it is amazing what a different side of him has opened up since he came to visit. When he had to go...I was shocked to see him crying...I was shocked that I wasn't the one with tears running down my face...I didn't feel anything, but as soon as he left me and went up the escalator I had to run out the door with tears pouring down my face...I sat in the car for a good half an hour praying and weeping...I have never had to do anything so hard as watching him walk away and not knowing when he would be back. God just gave me an amazing amount of peace and I knew that it would be ok...I didn't know how, but I knew that in the end it would all work out. He has been the kindest, most passionate man...he has taken such good care of me...he has always been there for me when I needed him, telling me that it was going to be ok...he wakes up early to make sure that I am up for work when we had been up late the night before on the phone. He helps me unwind at the end of a long day...he is filled with so much passion and when most of it is directed at you...it is hard not to fall for him. Now he needs me as much as I need him...it is nice to have that going both ways...I know that he would not make a decision without my best interests at heart. There is so much more, but I am having a hard time putting it all into words right now...I am so overwhelmed with how much I care for and love him...I want only the best for him...and if that means that some day I will have to turn and walk away...I would do it as long as he was happy.
(September 17, 2004)
It doesn't make sense that I have fallen this hard for him...from my logical standpoint I would have never put the two of us together...if I had meet him in person before getting to know him...I would have immediately ruled him out. We are two totally different people from two totally different backgrounds...but we both place the same value on relationships...we both prefer quality time...we will both fight to make things work...we would both look out for the other's interests first...we both believe in the importance of open honest communication...we understand the importance of making sacrifices to make a relationship work...we are both ready to walk away from every earthly thing that we have for each other...we have shared our fears with one another and have helped each other get past them...we have shared all of the demons in our past and forgiven each other for them...we are both starting to change from our way of life to conform a little more to the other's...we share the same ideas of marriage and parenting...we have already set boundary rules for fighting (I promised that he would never have to sleep on the couch...we promised to resolve whatever disagreement we were having before we went to bed...and we promised to never forget that underneath it all we still love each other)...We both know that no matter what we will always fight for our marriage.
Due to all the changes going on in my life...I didn't want to start a relationship...I am a city girl...he is more a "skater punk"...I am 2 Frickin years older than him...he has tattoos (big no no in my fam)...I can't wear my 4" heals with him...he is in the air force...I am a college grad. I am not saying that I hate any of the differences...these are just examples of reasons that my logic would be so against us dating...yet...he is absolutely perfect for me...I would have never found someone who would have been better. I thank God every day that he helped me see past my logic...that he brought him into my life the way he did, when he did.
(September 15, 2004)
Why I love him:
Wow, that is so hard to pin down entirely...He is an amazing guy, who loves God...he is one of the few guys I have meet who is strong enough not to take my crap...He knows when I am trying to talk my way around him, or corner him and he calls me on it. He is easy to talk to, and for some reason even though we have been talking for 3-5 hrs a day (sometimes up to 10) for the last 4 months we have not run out of things to talk about. We have a lot of the same passions...I am very outdoorsy, and love to do crazy adventurous things (like white water kayak, hike, snowboarding, rock climb)...I wanted someone who could keep up with me and push me to be more active. Even though he is almost 2 years younger than me...I have no problem letting him make all the decisions (this is a very hard thing for me since I am a very independent woman)...and despite my tendency not to trust men (due to a very painful past)...he has totally won me over...I have no problem opening up to him and making myself vulnerable. I knew that he was not the type of person to show weakness...which was something that made me hesitate about him...but he has totally opened up about that and has begun to rely on me more. He has lost some of his toughness, and it has been replaced by this insane passion...this capacity to care about the good things in life and to want to hold on to every second of them. I know that he has never had a girl treat him right...it is amazing what a different side of him has opened up since he came to visit. When he had to go...I was shocked to see him crying...I was shocked that I wasn't the one with tears running down my face...I didn't feel anything, but as soon as he left me and went up the escalator I had to run out the door with tears pouring down my face...I sat in the car for a good half an hour praying and weeping...I have never had to do anything so hard as watching him walk away and not knowing when he would be back. God just gave me an amazing amount of peace and I knew that it would be ok...I didn't know how, but I knew that in the end it would all work out. He has been the kindest, most passionate man...he has taken such good care of me...he has always been there for me when I needed him, telling me that it was going to be ok...he wakes up early to make sure that I am up for work when we had been up late the night before on the phone. He helps me unwind at the end of a long day...he is filled with so much passion and when most of it is directed at you...it is hard not to fall for him. Now he needs me as much as I need him...it is nice to have that going both ways...I know that he would not make a decision without my best interests at heart. There is so much more, but I am having a hard time putting it all into words right now...I am so overwhelmed with how much I care for and love him...I want only the best for him...and if that means that some day I will have to turn and walk away...I would do it as long as he was happy.
(September 17, 2004)
It doesn't make sense that I have fallen this hard for him...from my logical standpoint I would have never put the two of us together...if I had meet him in person before getting to know him...I would have immediately ruled him out. We are two totally different people from two totally different backgrounds...but we both place the same value on relationships...we both prefer quality time...we will both fight to make things work...we would both look out for the other's interests first...we both believe in the importance of open honest communication...we understand the importance of making sacrifices to make a relationship work...we are both ready to walk away from every earthly thing that we have for each other...we have shared our fears with one another and have helped each other get past them...we have shared all of the demons in our past and forgiven each other for them...we are both starting to change from our way of life to conform a little more to the other's...we share the same ideas of marriage and parenting...we have already set boundary rules for fighting (I promised that he would never have to sleep on the couch...we promised to resolve whatever disagreement we were having before we went to bed...and we promised to never forget that underneath it all we still love each other)...We both know that no matter what we will always fight for our marriage.
Due to all the changes going on in my life...I didn't want to start a relationship...I am a city girl...he is more a "skater punk"...I am 2 Frickin years older than him...he has tattoos (big no no in my fam)...I can't wear my 4" heals with him...he is in the air force...I am a college grad. I am not saying that I hate any of the differences...these are just examples of reasons that my logic would be so against us dating...yet...he is absolutely perfect for me...I would have never found someone who would have been better. I thank God every day that he helped me see past my logic...that he brought him into my life the way he did, when he did.
posted by h2opolodolly at
11:17 AM
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