Not Every Soil Can Bear All Things

I can not even remotely begin to explain to you all that has gone on since my last post. Christmas wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I never did get the chance to get into the Christmas sprit. Life has remained fairly stressful. When I was reaching the end of my rope, my man planned a night out for the two of us. I spent all week looking forward to a chance for the two of us to spend a little bit of time together having fun. We had all of these great activities planned, but when it came down to it, we were both really tired and decided to go from dinner straight to our starbucks.

Now, you need to understand the history behind this starbucks...when my man first flew out from Virginia for 10 days, we went there on his last night here. It is really romantic, it is in a really upscale shopping center, which has nice outdoor seating, and all of the trees have white Christmas lights on them year round. While we were sitting on the back patio that night almost two years ago, he got down on one knee promising me that he would be back down there someday asking me for my hand in marriage.

So as we were walking around enjoying how beautiful the evening is, I was thinking, 'this is a really romantic place, it would be nice if he proposed to me here some day.' About fifteen minutes later, he pulled a ring out of his pocket and proposed!!!!

My elation didn't last for long though, my family was furious, and promptly started making my life miserable. They called up my friends who haven't talked with me for six months to ask them what they thought of my man. They both said that they felt he would become abusive.

What makes me so mad about the situation is that both of their opinions are based on one event that only one of them witnessed. They also haven't talked with me since July, so I have a hard time believing that they really know what is going on.

Anyways, so since my family managed to guilt trip me about the whole engagement, we decided to postpone it until I could work through some of my issues with my family. My man went as far as to give my father the ring as a sign of respect. But my family still hasn’t given him a chance.

This last week in Bible study, one of the things the pastor said really stuck in my mind, “Whatever you believe about someone, you will make come true.” I believe that my parents made a rash first impression of my man, and since have only seen his actions from that perspective.

I know that this is going to be rough, but I would rather fight for my relationship, then to have it easy without him in my life!!

How do you find survival during the holiday season??

This year I am in the least festive mood. I have a job that is driving me nuts and stressing me out, my friends don’t seem to remember that I exists, and a boyfriend who seems to hate the holidays. I am having more trouble at work, and have more work than I know how to handle. I can’t tell if my boss is upset with my work, or if he is just super cranky all of a sudden.

My boyfriend seems to be hoping to work on Christmas, instead of wanting to spend it with me. He just started back on active duty and he doesn’t know what his schedule is going to be yet. He keeps on having to cancel on me for different reasons, and I understand why he needs to, but he was my way of unwinding from the craziness of work, and looking forward to spending time with him is what keeps me from going insane at work and biting someone’s head off.

In short, this is shaping up to be the worst Christmas season of my life. I am trying everything that I can think of to keep that from happening, but things seem to be slipping out of my hands faster than I can cope with. I just don’t want this year to be one of BAH-HUMBUG!!!!!

The big let down....

So after all of that anticipation yesterday, my man wound up needing to take care of a lot of issues for going back to active duty, and had to postpone his meeting with my dad. So I spent all day biting my nails and running through different scenarios for their talk in my head, for absolutely no reason at all. My man doesn’t know what his schedule is going to be, so I have no clue when the meeting will happen. I am kind of anxious to get it over with. But I know that my man is too.

I guess that for the time being, I am just waiting for the inevitable.

-JT

Pins and Needles

Ok, so today I am nervous as heck!!! My man called my dad to have a little “get to know you” talk. Basically what he is going to say is something more down the lines of “what is it going to take for you to accept me being in your daughter’s life?” So of course I am having a little trouble focusing on my work today.

See the problem is that my dad is a very controlling figure in my life. He has never liked any guy that I have ever introduced him to. I think he can’t stand the idea of possibly being replaced in my life. It is like he is looking for all of the imperfections in everyone, and fixating on these perceived issues until they are the only thing that defines that person. I am really worried about this, because my father is very important to me, but I am going to spend the rest of my life with my man. It would make it a lot easier on me if they have a good relationship.

I hate how my father seems to try and make me chose between them. I am stubborn as heck, and can’t stand to be forced to choose between two people that I love. Right now all that my father is doing is driving a wedge between us. I guess that I am just hoping that tonight will make a difference in his attitude. He needs to learn to respect my decisions, and quit trying to slyly manipulate me. He keeps making all of these comments that are so loaded with insinuations that I try to avoid talking with him now. Every time that he opens his mouth he manages to piss me off. I guess that he thinks that I am too stupid to pick up on what he is insinuating.

Anyways, I guess that I should go before I get myself more worked up!!!

-JT

Back to Active Duty

So, once again my man is overcome with a longing to rejoin the ranks of active duty. He realizes, however, that if he reenlisted, that he would inevitably be sent somewhere else. He has been suffering through the transition to civilian life, and every time the military sends him some place for duty, he comes back with this look of longing in his eyes. The only thing that has been standing between him and active duty is me.

He realized that if he went back to active duty then he would be breaking my heart. So, he found an alternative, taking 1 year active duty orders. He will remain in the reserves, just helping out the active duty unit. I am happy because he won't be deploying, and he will still be stationed at his current base. He is happy, because he will be full time military again.

This still leaves me wondering if we will be able to spend Thanksgiving together like we planed, or if he will be working. On the other hand, he will have a good paying job that he can be proud of himself for again. With the way that his schedule will be, if I am working on the days he has off, then he is thinking of getting a part time job. I keep reminding him how good that extra money would look on my left hand. Now that he knows what I want, I guess that I will stop bugging him.

Anyways, my work has me really busy right now, so I am sorry that it has been so long between posts, but I think that it may get worse. I will try to keep up if I can.

-JT

My inner child

I guess this explains a lot!!!!

Your Inner Child Is Happy

You see life as simple, and simple is a very good thing. You're cheerful and upbeat, taking everything as it comes. And you decide not to worry, even when things look bad. You figure there's just so many great things to look forward to.

How Is Your Inner Child?

Lonely Again!

So, this morning I had to drive my man to the airport again!!! I think that it is kinda sad that we now have a routine for this!! We park and I walk him in to check his luggage and get his boarding pass, and then we walk back out to the car, sit and talk and kiss, then he watches me drive off before going in to stand in line for security.

It was easier to watch him leave this time since he will only be gone for two weeks. He is off to the east coast again, I am not sure exactly what he will be doing this time, but he already has his return flight, so it is simply a countdown until he returns. I know that doesn't insure there won't be a hiccup, but it makes it much less likely.

I have loved the months that we have had together. He keeps trying to talk me into a wedding on a beach in Tahoe, now without family, and all of the headaches that he perceives in trying to get my parents to approve of him. Unfortunately, my family is very old fashioned, and they have this perception of how my life should be lived, without understanding, that I don't want their world. I have my own ideas about the life that I want, and he fits perfectly into that. They want me to be comfortable with lots of nice material possessions, all of the class and culture that they raised me in. I want a nice quiet life with the comforts of a peaceful life, without worrying about appearances, correct social status, or nice possessions. I want a life focused around my family, not my job. I don't want to take my daughter snowboarding and have to sit a few runs out to take a business call.

So now that I have lots of time to burn without him here, I am trying to figure out what I am going to do. Definitely going to take all of the crap out of my closet and get rid of stuff that I don't need and see if I can organize my storage space better. Since I just redecorated my new place, I need to get rid of the old crap, you know that wonderful college clutter-whatever was free-no matter what condition it was in-who cares if it matches-mentality.

One of my best friends is taking off for England for 9 months soon, so I am going to throw a dinner for some of my closest friends before she leaves. I am curious what I am going to do without her, since she is one of the few people that I still hang out with. It has been hard making new friends; it has been hard even just keeping good relationships with old friends. I just don't have the energy for some of the drama that a lot of them bring into my life. Incase you didn't notice...I have enough drama already, Thank you very much!!!

Anyways, I got up early to go to the airport, I am so tired. (For those of you who don't know me very well, I ramble when I am tired) As you can tell from the above, I am VERY tired!!! I think I actually thought that all of you would want to know about my cleaning plans!!! Quick...someone get me a pillow...I need some serious shuteye!!!

-JT

PS. I miss you already baby!! I am craving cuddling up to you and letting you rub my head while I fall asleep. It would not take me long at all right now...I might fall asleep as quickly as you usually do!!! Your pillow will be waiting for you when you return. Stay safe and hurry home to me!!!