How do you find survival during the holiday season??

This year I am in the least festive mood. I have a job that is driving me nuts and stressing me out, my friends don’t seem to remember that I exists, and a boyfriend who seems to hate the holidays. I am having more trouble at work, and have more work than I know how to handle. I can’t tell if my boss is upset with my work, or if he is just super cranky all of a sudden.

My boyfriend seems to be hoping to work on Christmas, instead of wanting to spend it with me. He just started back on active duty and he doesn’t know what his schedule is going to be yet. He keeps on having to cancel on me for different reasons, and I understand why he needs to, but he was my way of unwinding from the craziness of work, and looking forward to spending time with him is what keeps me from going insane at work and biting someone’s head off.

In short, this is shaping up to be the worst Christmas season of my life. I am trying everything that I can think of to keep that from happening, but things seem to be slipping out of my hands faster than I can cope with. I just don’t want this year to be one of BAH-HUMBUG!!!!!

The big let down....

So after all of that anticipation yesterday, my man wound up needing to take care of a lot of issues for going back to active duty, and had to postpone his meeting with my dad. So I spent all day biting my nails and running through different scenarios for their talk in my head, for absolutely no reason at all. My man doesn’t know what his schedule is going to be, so I have no clue when the meeting will happen. I am kind of anxious to get it over with. But I know that my man is too.

I guess that for the time being, I am just waiting for the inevitable.

-JT

Pins and Needles

Ok, so today I am nervous as heck!!! My man called my dad to have a little “get to know you” talk. Basically what he is going to say is something more down the lines of “what is it going to take for you to accept me being in your daughter’s life?” So of course I am having a little trouble focusing on my work today.

See the problem is that my dad is a very controlling figure in my life. He has never liked any guy that I have ever introduced him to. I think he can’t stand the idea of possibly being replaced in my life. It is like he is looking for all of the imperfections in everyone, and fixating on these perceived issues until they are the only thing that defines that person. I am really worried about this, because my father is very important to me, but I am going to spend the rest of my life with my man. It would make it a lot easier on me if they have a good relationship.

I hate how my father seems to try and make me chose between them. I am stubborn as heck, and can’t stand to be forced to choose between two people that I love. Right now all that my father is doing is driving a wedge between us. I guess that I am just hoping that tonight will make a difference in his attitude. He needs to learn to respect my decisions, and quit trying to slyly manipulate me. He keeps making all of these comments that are so loaded with insinuations that I try to avoid talking with him now. Every time that he opens his mouth he manages to piss me off. I guess that he thinks that I am too stupid to pick up on what he is insinuating.

Anyways, I guess that I should go before I get myself more worked up!!!

-JT